Who are you?

12:30 PM Unknown 0 Comments

That's one of the few questions we make our entire lives and rarely get a satisfying answer.
Nevertheless altough the negative rate, I've been asking it a lot lately.
Who am I? Who have I been? Who am I becoming?

Transitioning to University has been in a way a lot easier then I had anticipated. 
So far, I've loved every second of it. 
I like my classes, my projects, the people around me and even campus. Somehow I thought that I would be missing those concrete walls that were my home for more than 16 years a lot more and the friends I made along the way, but it hasn't been the case. I haven't felt the nostalgia I feared so much. neither the so called "comfort" of everyone "knowing me" in fact being new, an having the chance to "reinvent" myself has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given. 

I had been labeled so many things for so long, that I had actually started believing everything people said about me. In a way I knew who I was and I knew that those were lies, but I even started changing my ways thinking ahead, that people wouldn't listen to me, help me or anything else because of me being me. 
However, now that I'm presenting myself to the world again, I'm discovering that I'm not even near to  who I thought I was.

I used to be the girl who wouldn't participate in hypocresy, I would speak my mind, with respect but truth and that was not something everyone aproved. I used to be the girl who had started working in magazines and had a blog for everyone to feel less about themselves, which is OBVIOUSLY not the case.The chance presented itself and I just took it, I did  it because It made ME happy and was an opportunity I would had been fool  to waste. 

 All of those things made me be a girl whose opinions were listened and appreciated under the water, cause agreeing with me would be just to controversial for the status quo. 
So I started seeing myself as a controversial, too direct, too real, too hard to love person... And it hurt.
I survived and managed to make some friends among the once who did not believe those things... But that didn't change the fact that I had started to do so.

So, I was terrifyed about University. I was terrifyed about confirming that I indeed was THAT girl, even tough a part of me clinged to the idea that I was not.

So the first day, to my surprise I had to prepare a presentation on who I was. I shared my work, and myself with people I'm still not yet fully acquiented with, and it turned out well.  They loved it. I was cheered, applauded, congratulated..... I got a complete opposite reaction to what I had been forced to endure for over the  last decade.

I was in shock at first, because I've never been used to such a positive vibe in general.
People want me to be a part of their team. They wave their hand at me across campus. They respect me, and engage in conversation because they want to, not because the have to.
I've made friends. Cool friends, with people with an open mindset, the ability to cope with other people's differences and be nice. 

So, I'm surprise and I feel comfortable. Safe, good, free to ask myself who am I without all the backround noise.
I like this new person who's meeting tons of people and getting along. I love that she's not judged for what she has worked so hard for, I love that she feels like she's finally were she belongs.
I love thas she's finally focussing on projects that make her get excited and happy to wake up at 4:30 am to go to College every day. 
I trully love that she's getting involved and that she's HAPPY. 
I talked about the best compliment people could ever give you once, remember? 
Which in my opinion is to tell you that you look happy... And now I am. 
Fully, trully happy. 

R. Woodworth

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