It's not you, It's me

12:00 AM Roberta W. P. F 0 Comments

This is a trial from neurologist, psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor and founder of the discipline known as logo therapy, Viktor Frankl that I found and wanted to share with you guys, because we all go through things we may or may not understand but sometimes make us feel like we are drowning in a glass of water and makes us wait for something or someone to change that, when in fact we are the only ones who can change how we feel...


Might be corny, but it's probably true when people claim ..
"It's not you, It's me..."
I hope you enjoy it and feel peace after reading. 

"Who makes you suffer? Who breaks your heart? Who hurts you? Who steals, takes away your happiness or tranquility? Who controls your life? ...
Do your parents? Does your partner? An old fling? Your mother? Your boss? ...You could put together a whole list of suspects or offenders. It's probably the easiest. In fact it is only a matter of thinking a bit and go naming all those people who have not given you what you deserve, have treated you badly  or simply left your life, leaving a deep pain that until today you can't understand.
But you know what? there's no need to search for names. The answer is simpler than it seems, and no one makes you suffer, breaks your heart, or can bring peace or remove damage. No one has the ability unless you let them, you open the door and deliver control of your life.

Getting to that level of consciousness can be a big challenge, but is not as complicated as it seems. It becomes much easier when we realize that our own happiness is at stake, and someone elses mind, thoughts, comments or decisions is d
efinitely the worst place to place it.

Every day I am more convinced that men suffer, not for what happens, but for what he interprets. Many times we suffer trying to give answers to questions that drilled our mind such as: Why didn't he/she call me? Does he/she think about me? Why didn't he/she tell me what I wanted to hear? Why did that bother me? Why did they stare at me in that ugly way? and many others reasons I will skip.

We don't suffer because of what people do, but because of what we interpret from their actions, and that's a direct result of giving control to someone else.

If you want a more graphical description, it is as if whe were doing voodoo voluntarily, sticking needles to ourselves whenever a third party does something that bothers us. The strange and unfair thing is that the vast majority of people that "hurts" us continue their lives as if nothing had happened.
A clear example of the heavy reliance we can have with another person would be perfectly portraited by statement told to me some years ago:
 
"I need Luis to tell me that he loves me even though I know that's a lie I just want to hear it from his mouth and have him visit me from time to time even though I know he has another family, because I promise you that I can settle with that. Without it... I feel like I'm dying. "

Wow! I could not belive it! Does that really mean true happiness? Isn't it a constant martyrdom to have someone deciding our mood and well-being? You want to force another person to feel what he clearly doesn't?
We can not spend our lives giving power to someone else, because we end up depending on choices of others and turn into puppets of their thoughts and actions.
Phrases that lovers usually say like, "My love, you make me so happy", "Without you I die", "I can not spend my life without you" are completely unrealistic and false. Not because I'm against love, on the contrary, I consider myself pretty passionate and romantic, but because really no one else (as far as I have understood) has the ability to enter your mind, change your biochemical processes and make you happy or make your heart skip a beat.
Definitely no one can decide for us. No one can make us feel or do something that we have to live in freedom. We can not be where there is need and where we do not want our company. We can not surrender control of our lives, for others to write our history. Maybe we can not control what happens, but to decide how to react and interpret what happens to us.
Next time you think someone hurts you, makes you suffer or controls your life, remember: It's not him, it's you... Regain control.

 
A man is able to snatch everything except one thing: The last of human freedoms is the choice of personal attitude against a target or determined path"
I can not belive how clear this is and how much peace I found from reading it.
The worst is when you understand the problem but have the excruciating task of dealing with emotions. (Damn, those ruin everything!)
So find your center, be the master of your mind and be happy! 
Have a beautiful Tuesday! 
Xoxo, Roberta W.P.F 

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