I was talking to one of my best guy-friends the other day when he mentioned to me that he was going to propose to the girl he has been going out with for a while.
So far, he is about the third one in my #Squad who's about to enter in a relationship and inevitably, that makes you think.
I'm not bitter nor sad about it, I'm perfectly happy with my life right now, it's just weird sometimes because I can't seem to relate. 

For the past few months and until a couple back I had been going out with different guys, but non of them seemed to be a match. At first I thought that had something to do with me, but after one of my friends gave me an insight into his perspective and I had multiple coffee dates with one of my other besties, I came up with a theory.
He told me that he didn't expect to see me in a relationship any time soon, because he says that I'm one of those people who have a mold.
Like... a cookie mold? Well yeah I have tons but.... What?
At first I felt a little insulted, but then he carried on by saying that he thought that I knew what I wanted.
I realized that the problem wasn't exactly me ( I'm not saying that I'm perfect, I'm just not making myself a martyr) but the fact that I got carried away by a bunch of good fatures from the past few prospects to then get dissapointed by their lack of commitment, ex-issues, ambiguity or any other red flag I had previously been to mesmerized to see.  
And so, I came to the conclusion that I'm ok. It's not that I'm looking for the perfect guy, it's just that I shouldn't be too igger to fill the mold with anything that "might" be good. 
Should people have tons of short relationships and experiences or just a few memorable ones...?
That's a question each one of us should answer individualy, but at least for me... Someone who tends to be attached, I think that quality over quantity is best. Memorable experiences and connections over too many that are too blip. 
So, maybe I should just keep focussing on my goals and quite literally wait for THE one.

Giotto Calendoli & Patricia Manfield at Milan Fashion Week

When I think of a relationship I think about deep conections. I think about wanting to be with a person as much I'd like to go shopping or even more. I'm not being superficial, I'm merely trying to define the passion and desire to be close that I imagine.
I wonder how so many people can be in a relationship and not be excited...
Like, what's the point? How is it that you can be with someone you know has so many aspects that annoy you, that you are not able to see a future with them? Why are you in a relationship that doesn't add any thrill or excitement to your life? Or even worse, why are you with someone while craving someone else?
That's like buying a pair of itchy shoes you like but know you'll be unable to wear, or a pair of crocs which are just comfy, or in the worse case scenario, a pair of sneakers when all you want it's heels.
I think that if you find yourself in any of those situations, you should really re-think your relationship status.

Paradoxically enough and in the search of answears I turned to the most loyal of companions: Netflix (just kidding) But seriously tough, I've been watching too many chick flicks to know that getting into that comfort zone is quite the average situation for many.
After murdering John James Preston several times in my mind with a pair of Manolos (Sex & The City) and finding peace among pearls & diamonds (Breakfast at Tiffany's), I found a letter written in Verona that pretty much summed up my idea of love...

" .... What and if are two words as nonthreatening as words can be, but put together, side by side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

What if? What if? What if?  

If it is true love what you feel, or  felt, then it’s never too late. If you've found someone who you care about, who's company you cherish, who shares with you hopes, dreams, fears and insecurities, whom you can picture a future with, whom you consider beautiful and makes you wonder what your life would be without them...  Someone you wouldn't want to lose, I must say that you're in love. Maybe you haven't notice, maybe you feel that it is not the right time nor the right way to feel regarding your life right now However... What if your wonder what it would have been for the rest of your life?        You only need the courage to follow your heart.

I don’t know what love like Juliet’s feels like, a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for, but I’d like to believe, if ever I were to feel it, that I’d have the courage to seize it. And Claire if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will."  

- Sophie to Claire, Letters to Juliet

According to Carrie Bradshaw there are two types of decisions you can make in life: the ones you make with the brain and the ones you make with your heart. You can analize as much as you want, but in the end everything will be defined by a moment where your heart will make a choice. Everything will be defined by a spark.
I do have a mold beside me, and I've finally realized that I'm not looking to fill it any time soon, it's not about waiting for the perfect person, it's just about not trying to squeez anybody for the sake of it.
You know... It's better to leave those gladiator tigh high pumps up in the shelf at Jimmy Choo instead of risking it, some of us have big feet..and standards (and that right there was a forced metaphor) and need to learn how to live with them .

Well, today was finally the beginning of the inevitable.
Those terrifying exams I've been studying for like crazy, started today.
And after 4 days without any vitamin D, hidden in the frozen tundra that has become my room for this past few weeks, I finally have about 24 hours to rest... Only before studying for spanish of course, but nobody needs to bring that negativity into the conversation right now.
I came back home after five hours of analyzing an archaic theather play in German, just to eat and turn my brain off with a good movie.
I got to my room, took a dive under my sheets and turned on netflix in the search of some good old Chick-flick for relaxing purpouses, and in the swarm of titles, I found one that caught my attention called "Ely & Naomi's No Kissing List"
I basically thought that I was in for some dummie teenage drama, but as a matter of fact I ended up having a realization and crying myself into this beautiful blog.
Story short, the movie is about a pair of boy & girl besties (he is gay tough) who have lived as next-door-neighbors in the same building their entire life.
They have the most enviable bond, know each other like the back of their own hand, go to Magnolia Bakery together, have a secret room for them to chit chat about everything, etc etc. They basically root for each other and stick with each other through thick and thin and have even plan their future wedding, which of course will never be... Because both of them bat for the same team, even if Naomi refuses to believe it.
Thing is, they are too close. And have this moments where one gets friend-jealousies over the other's tentative plus one or gets angry because their schedules no longer match because of University, dates and well.. Life in general.
They get into a huge fight about it, but in the end return to being good Friends realizing, that they are just where they need to be.
I'm not even gonna bother to cover the fact that I felt kind of jealouse of their relationship, 'cause every girl need a standfort, right?
But on the other hand it finally dawned on me the fact that this fantasy of the "Squad" or the group of frieds you have at certain stages of your life is actually just that... A stage. A fantasy.
I once read a quote that really stuck to my mind which said, that if you are not losing friends, you are not growing up. And that's true, isn't it?
There are people who become really important at certain stages of your life, but will at some point maybe not leave you, but follow their own path.
I feel like sometimes the heart needs a little more time to accept what the brain already knows. And now I know.
I know and hope that my friends will remain my friends for a long long time. I'd like to believe the fantasy in which I get to invite them to my wedding and years after that our kids meet and become friends (ok, I got a little carried away here) it's true. But thinking a little less ahead, I'd like to think they'll be there rooting for me when I'm applying to Collegue, or I'll be there for them planning their proposals to their girlfriends and so on.. But every single one of this acts are steps in new paths not everyone will follow.
Each one of us will eventually start a new life, a new relationship or a new friendship where the others will not jump into, not because they don't want to, but because it's just not their place.

I hope that after an inevitable separation, we meet again and like people who once meant a lot to each other ...

"comes a fine recapitulation of the past where they remember only the best, forgetting it was picked out from a time of ordinaries, forgetting that the ordinariness was pleasant but now a beautiful memory.." -F. Scott Fitzgerald.

To all my beautiful friends...
I love you, and I know we still have a few months ahead of us, but it might be time, for me at least, to finally come at peace with the fact that we are... Growing up.